How To Heal From A Break Up So You Don’t Repeat The Same Patterns in Relationships

Break ups can be hard. Letting go of someone that used to mean so much to you can be extremely hard to move on from.

But realising it can also be the opportunity for your most profound growth can help you to heal and ensure you break the cycle of attracting and accepting the same patterns in relationships moving forward. 

Here are my tips to heal, move on and uncouple with someone as consciously as you can. 

1. Take Time and Space 

Time is a healer, so allowing yourself to be free of any demands and responsibilities as much as you can after a breakup can help you get back into your own energy and clear your head. 

Allow yourself space from your ex by having limited contact and don’t keep checking their socials. 

2. Get Support 

Most of us will seek a shoulder to cry on after a break up from our friends and family, but most people have had their own painful breakups and may not offer the most solid advice to help you deal with yours, as much as they have the best intentions. 

So take everything with a pinch of salt, and don't allow their own experiences and projections to colour what you are going through. If you can try gravitate to someone you know that has some experience in conscious un-coupling, a relationship coach, mentor or healer. 

3. Cut the Energetic Cords 

This is often the part of breakups that doesn’t happen, and why many people continue to be pulled back into toxic relationships, can’t get over an ex or can’t meet anyone new. 

After being with someone intimately, you create energetic and emotional ties and contracts that need to be broken so you can recall your own energy back. 

Keeping these energetic channels open can keep you confused, doubting your decisions, telepathically feeling your exes feelings and thoughts and keeping you drained. 

Releasing them can help you gain clarity and notice what’s yours and what’s not. 

4. Get an Energy Healing

Just like the energetic cords you create with anyone you have been with, your energy meshes with theirs and you share energy and information through sex and DNA. 

Sexual energy exchange can lead to you holding their negative and unresolved traumas, beliefs and emotions within your energy field or womb space. 

Clearing and transmuting anything that doesn’t belong to you is vital so it doesn’t manifest as blockages in other parts of your life as you continue to carry their baggage even after you have ended the relationship. 

Check out how energy healing can help you recover from a break up in this article. 

5. Stay Single and Celibate 

Having a period of intentional celibacy can be really empowering and beneficial as you take the time to heal and feel your feelings. 

So many times people jump straight back into dating when they haven’t healed, cleared or integrated any of the lessons from the past relationships, as a way to distract themselves from the pain. 

Doing this just creates more energetic messiness and you end up repeating the same unhealthy patterns all over again. 

6. Feel your Feelings 

I can’t stress how important this step is when healing from a breakup. Allow yourself to actually feel your emotions, cry and allow them to be processed and released. 

It’s so important to allow this energy to move through you and transmute by expressing them instead of suppressing them.

Emotions are energy-in-motion and when we repress them or don’t allow ourselves to feel them, they get trapped in our body as trauma and will show up through another experience until you allow them to be released and acknowledged. 

7. Journal your Beliefs and Fears.

This will help you discover your unhealed wounds.  Relationships and breakups especially offer us a mirror to show us the unhealed parts of ourselves. The low vibration energies that are keeping us stuck in life and love. 

Write anything that is present for you. Perhaps you keep thinking that you aren’t good enough, that you will be alone forever or nobody will want you. 

Bringing these into your conscious awareness can help you begin to transmute the energy in them that’s holding you back. 

Then you can begin to wire in new positive beliefs or affirmations that empower and support you. 

You can try things like:

• I’m loveable
• I’m enough 
• I’m Beautiful 

Or if you want to test your trust muscle with the universe, you can wire in the beliefs:

• Redirection is protection.
• If it’s for me, then it won’t pass me.
• If it’s not this, then it’s something better. 

Relationships are opportunities for spiritual growth and many times the universe moves people out of your life that you no longer align to, but is making space for someone that is.  

8. Journal the Repetitive Patterns and Dynamics

Did you realise that you fell into the rescuer / victim dynamics again with this person. Or did you meet another cheater or liar that left you. 

By beginning to recognise the patterns we tend to find ourselves in can be empowering so we can start to notice ourselves when we may go into these in the future. Or you can work with a healer to transmute these energies and patterns from the source.  

9. Journal the Lessons you Learned

Relationships are here to teach you the soul lessons you need to ascend and awaken. 

Taking the time to understand and integrate these important lessons into your life can help you close the energetic door to this relationship and ensure that you don’t need to repeat this lesson with a different person. 

So ask yourself things like:

• What did I learn about myself in this relationship? 
• What did I learn about communication?
• What did I learn about what I need in a relationship?
• What did I learn about what I don’t need or want?
• What did I learn about my intuition vs ego? 
•  At what point did I ignore my intuition about this person? 
• What do I need to transform to not bring into the next relationship?
• How can I integrate those lessons into my life?

9. Write your Ex a Letter 

Sometimes our relationships end abruptly and we don’t have the opportunity to express how we truly feel to the other person. Perhaps we aren’t able to receive the answers to why things ended and that can create an energetic loop of unfinished business. 

Holding on to this can keep you stuck repeating the same loops or can stop you from meeting someone new. 

So write a letter to your ex that you will never send and write everything that you needed to say to them, no matter how harsh it may sound. Allowing yourself to express and release what you felt you never got to can be extremely freeing and cathartic for you to break that tie and move forward with peace in your heart. 

10. Reparent Yourself 

By taking the time and space to clear your energy, self-reflect and learn the lessons from this break up, it’s also important to notice what you need and what makes you feel loved….. then give yourself that. 

Start to notice what your self love language is and empower yourself to become more self led and rebuild a strong foundation by meeting your own needs instead of trying to outsource it.

Go for walks in nature, do some art, play with your pets, take long baths, get a massage, journal, go to the movies, or eat nourishing food. Discover what gives you comfort and allow yourself to parent that part of you that needs it the most. 

Conclusion 

So if you have been through a break up and desire to move on, up-level your life and break the cycle of unhealthy relationships, then follow these steps to get you back on track to living a happy and abundant life and raise your consciousness so you can attract a more soul aligned partner. 

If you need any further support in clearing old patterns, energies or understanding the lessons needed to integrate for your spiritual expansion, then book in a session or work with me in my spiritual soulmate program for personalised mentorship and coaching.